I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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