I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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