The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
