what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
