Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
