Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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