Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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