there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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