They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize