In the future we'll all be gay
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
