Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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