Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
