we have officially lost it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
