hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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