i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
