My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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