what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
