One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize