Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
