i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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