Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize