Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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