Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
