no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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