I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
