Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
