great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
