I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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