i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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