Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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