The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
