Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
