Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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