Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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