I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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