Those balls look pretty dangerous.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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