So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
