So drunk its hurt
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
