When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
