He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well you can't waste a boner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
