i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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