Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
