I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
