I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
