thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
