I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
