I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish I only lived at night.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
