I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
