Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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