"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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