So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
