are you still at the devil's house?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
