I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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