Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
