He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
