Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
