I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
