just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
