You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
