I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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