the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
