This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
