just tell him i said nine months
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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