We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
