The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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